


Bear

by SomeSunnyDay



Series: Hospice [3]
Category: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Past Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23380216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSunnyDay/pseuds/SomeSunnyDay
Summary: Jimmy wakes up, that was his first inconvenience, then he saw the ps1. That set off a very emotionally taxing day.
Series: Hospice [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1594972
Kudos: 1





	Bear

**Author's Note:**

> I got rid of my playstation.
> 
> Finally. After several years of having it, it's gone.
> 
> Mama made me give it to her and my step dad smashed it outside.
> 
> Honestly the only reason this fic is even done is because my molester had the fucking audacity to come to my house, take my parents out to eat, knowing full well I'd be upset by it. I had to walk to the corner store so I didn't look at him, mama gave me 10 dollars and said spend it on anything and so I got a hamburger and airhead candy with a venom. I had to call a friend to help me back home. I didn't sleep well that night and had to stay in bed with my back against the wall. Not at all a good day.
> 
> This is long enough, go on and read.

There was too much on his mind, yet somehow it was as empty as it had ever been. 

No amount of convincing him would tell him he was fine, that this situation wasn't a mess. All he did was wake up and see  _ it. _ It made him frustrated, that such a simple thing could bring about such negative feelings. The PS1 sitting on the floor by the pile of clothing poorly covering it.

Jimmy stared at it. He got a new game for it in an effort to make positive associations with it, he ended up crying on the floor and he had to take a very long shower.

He still felt fingers on him.

_____________

Jimmy and Edgar were sitting on the couch, he’d just gotten done with a breakdown. Edgar was looking through his book, trying to find a specific page to read to him.

Jimmy looked at Edgar, he looked nice. Jimmy scooted closer to Edgar and he liked that Edgar knew him well enough to move and hold him. Maybe Jimmy could show Edgar how nice he made him feel, maybe he’d let him take out his frustrations on him, maybe Edgar would let him pin him down and take advantage of him- Jimmy moved and forced a kiss out of Edgar. 

Edgar had tried to get a handle on him to shove him off as much as he could before Jimmy was on him again, trying to undo his pants.

“James Riggs!”

Edgar wasn’t sure what brought Jimmy up to this point and he absolutely hated himself for using one of Jimmy’s triggers against him, he’d make it up later, explain why later.

Jimmy stilled and looked at Edgar in fear and backed away slowly. It hurt Edgar so much.

Edgar put his hands up, Jimmy stayed where he was, Edgar was walking a very thin line now.

“Jimmy- what was that?”

Jimmy lowered his eyes, looking at Edgar’s knees. “I-..uh..”

Edgar tried to shove through his brain at what Jimmy’s file mentioned at situations like this.

He found none.

“..I wanted to-..take you by surprise..hurt you- um..but I also wanted to make you feel good.”

Edgar put his legs together again and sighed, “Jimmy, you can’t do that-”

“DON’T YOU THINK I FUCKING KNOW THAT?”

Jimmy shouted and wrapped his arms around himself. Absently looking at the floor he sat back further.

Edgar shook his head to jostle himself, “I understand, but I’d like you to understand that I don’t like you in that way.”

Jimmy shuffled back to Edgar and rested his head on his knees, “..Why don’t you want me to make you feel good? I can! Just let me show you I can be useful!”

“I have no sort of physical or romantic attraction to you, Jimmy, you’re a friend to me.”

Jimmy moved and Edgar tried so hard not to grab him again he didn’t want Jimmy to look at him that way ever again, “I’m not good at being friends with people the usual ways, all they want-..I'm easy to use. I don’t have..” Jimmy’s eyes started to water, “..I don’t have any good use outside of people taking advantage of me, what good am I if not for my body?”

Edgar took Jimmy’s hand gently, “Who told you that..?”

“No one, they didn’t have to. Zach made that clear..”

Edgar then put 2 and 2 together, “That was the man who gave you that playstation?”

Jimmy nodded as the tears fell, Edgar hated pressing but he was never told of this completely, “You spent the night at his house-” He was interrupted in his realization.

Jimmy shook, he nodded, “I can’t..” he inhaled, “Go into trailers anymore ‘cause of him. Can’t have proper hugs, back rubs, pats on the shoulder because of where he rubbed and held me down.”

Edgar rubbed his hands slowly, and Jimmy quieted down, “After Zach-..Everyone seemed to see a note taped-” Jimmy made Edgar let go of his hands and he covered himself, “To the back of me with Fuck Me on it. Like they knew I was damaged goods and so it didn’t matter if I said no or not.”

Edgar felt himself tear up at that, Jimmy continued, “So- I sort of just let people do whatever they want to me, they don’t really approach me otherwise..I was hoping I could show you how I feel? I don’t really know how to show my appreciation outside of having myself up for grabs. I'll let you do whatever you want, I know you won't hurt me like they would.”

Edgar wiped his face and readjusted his glasses, now he understood.

He got down off the couch and hugged Jimmy, now he understood why he’d flinch away from certain places where Edgar put his hands.

“Jimmy..you never need to do that with me, ever, I’m too old for you. I want you to know that I know you appreciate me, and I thank you for that, I know how little you trust.”

Jimmy nodded and hugged Edgar tightly, “Thank you..”

"Of course." Edgar sighed. They'd talk about this later, in full.

___________

"Hey Edgar?"

Edgar was napping on the couch, he stirred and shot up when he saw how Jimmy looked.

"Hey- what's the matter?" He got up as Jimmy hiccuped and couldn't really say much for a while until Edgar hugged him tightly.

"I-..I can-.." he jerked his hands around, "Still hear- hear his voice." He grabbed at Edgar's shirt, "Feel his-..his hands on me."

Edgar nodded, "What can I do to help?"

Jimmy cried for a while before responding, "..Fuckin'..get that  _ fuckin' playstation OUT OF MY FUCKIN ROOM- GET  _ **_RID OF IT_ ** ."

Jimmy screamed out and then sobbed. Edgar nodded. He set Jimmy up on the couch with an episode of Monty Python and went into his room to grab the playstation. He looked at it for only a second before chucking it outside and smashing it under a metal pipe. He felt more angry about this than he probably had the right to. Though, Jimmy was in there, in tears, over this stupid machine and Edgar will take anything he can to make Jimmy better. If smashing electronics at 10PM was how that was going to happen, then so be it.

He stepped back inside and Jimmy was hugging himself, clutching his shoulders. 

Edgar crouched in front of him and smiled, "Hey Jimmy."

Jimmy looked at him distantly, his makeup rubbed off in his eyebrows and down his cheeks. 

"I got rid of it. It can't hurt you anymore."

Jimmy teared up, started to cry, he smiled. "Thank you."

"Always." Edgar smiled and held Jimmy's hands.

They fell asleep together on the couch and in the morning Edgar woke up to Jimmy making him breakfast. They ate together and Edgar mentally made a note to buy Jimmy a new playstation.


End file.
